i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
