Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
