I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
