hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
