My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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