margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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