i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
