He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
