he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
