how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
