There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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