Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
