All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
