We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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