i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
