tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
