I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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