My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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