It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
