I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
