I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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