Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
