You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
