Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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