Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you inspire me to be a worse person
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
