now i know why i became what i already was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My feet surprised me
Randomize
