If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
