You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
