i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
