meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
