in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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