Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
