just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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