I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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