i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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