remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
