When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
