girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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