Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
