I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
