it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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