also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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