I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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