Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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