Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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