remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
