My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
