It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
