im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
