yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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