And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
