Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and she was petting her beer can
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
