he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
