clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
