I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
