we have pet lesbian snakes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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