dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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