I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
