So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
