Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
