FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
