1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I deserve to be covered in dicks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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