I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
