yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
