Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am spending my child support on dildos
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
