there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
3pm strippers are depressing
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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