I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
