Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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