If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
