its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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