end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
