somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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