I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
